“These are the rules of war: no boogers, and no hard stuff.”

“My nipple got wet and now I’m SUPER FREEZING.”

“We should use our farts to pop popcorn.”

“I have an evil plan for when we get home. Not super evil, like killing someone, but a tiny bit evil. I am going to watch that show you think is gross on Netflix.” *evil giggle and wringing of hands

Please direct all parenting award inquiries to my publicity officer. She has some free time now that she’s finished fartpopping her snack.