I’m a sucker for meaningless internet surveys. I’m also a heavy user of a Magic 8 Ball, so FYI if you want to eat chips right now the OUTLOOK IS NOT SO GOOD. Possibly because I ate them. Or because the universe said so. That’s the beauty of internet quizzes and Magic 8 Balls.

But I really do appreciate how every single sorting quiz of any variety puts me in Slytherin. I find this very validating. Also it allows me to wear my Slytherin sweater to Target and do my shopping without feeling like an imposter. I like to save feeling like an imposter for all other areas of my life.

So, you may be asking yourself, is there some sort of survey included in this post? SIGNS POINT TO YES.

This one is going around the FBs recently. Since I treat these less like surveys and more like writing prompts, I figured I’d force people to come here if they wanted my answers.

1. Favorite smell: L’s head, except for when she’s been running at full speed for 45 minutes straight. Then she’s got a bit too much of the funk to qualify as favorite. So, cleanish L’s head. Because that smell means we are having snuggles which is my favorite thing to do all the time always.

2. Last time I cried: Yesterday. It was the five year anniversary of my dad’s passing.

3. Favorite pizza: The best pizza I ever had was in Naples, Italy, after hiking to the top of Mount Vesuvius and touring Pompeii. The pizza tasted good because it was delicious, but also because I had successfully completed my visit without being murdered by a volcano.

4. Favorite Flower: Roses. I am a tad bit obsessed. Make something rose anything and I AM IN. Rose smells, rose flavors, rose gold…. this is an expensive preference.

5. Favorite dog breed: I have had the honor of owning some truly remarkable dogs in my life, and they were all shelter specials. My german shepherd was super into full contact snuggles, and also required me to carry his 75 pounds for a full mile after he saw a snake on a walk once. My shiba inu was a priss who hated getting dirty, but once went full psycho on a guy who grabbed me on the street, causing him to run for safety. I bought her a cheeseburger after that one. My poodle would lie next to me in bed and lick my hand until I fell asleep. My minipin would attack the dog who lived in the shiny and very reflective dishwasher door, but also looked dashing as hell in a sweater. My first dog ever lost an eye after getting out one night – the vet who saw him in the emergency room felt it was deliberately done. But he was still the most loving and sweet little guy. All dogs are amazing, but all mine have been my favorites.

6. Untie laces before shoes come off: Except for my Converse and my running shoes, I have successfully managed to eliminate laces from my shoe wardrobe. And one of my pairs of Chuck is slip on. I untie my Chucks but not my running shoes. 

7. Roller Coaster: I’m trying to remember the last time I was on a roller coaster and I am failing. I used to love them – I fear this is something that if I were to try again, I would discover I have aged out of. But if I get the chance, I will try and report back. I’m certain you’ll be waiting here to find out. 

8. Favorite ice cream: My favorite ice cream ever in the history of ice cream was Baskin Robbins’ Chocolate Mousse Royale. Which was discontinued. Because of course. MY REPLY IS SUCK IT says the universe. 

9. Pet peeve: Assholes. Figuratively and literally. 

10. Shorts or jeans: Where is the leggings option? I would like to see the leggings option. I have joined the Leggings As Pants army if I have enough butt coverage. Shorts are necessary on some hot days, and jeans are a wardrobe staple. But black leggings are always my first choice now. Because I’m 40 and completely out of fucks. 

12. Color of your vehicle: Grey, with a thorough covering of road salt. I also have two stickers on the back of my car, because she’s old enough to have a couple of tattoos. One is Totoro and one is the Wonder Woman insignia. 

13. Color of eyes: Blue. I think. 

14. Favorite food: Food shared with people I care about. As long as there are no mushrooms. 

15. Favorite Holiday: This is a difficult decision, but Christmas edges out Halloween by a snowflake. 

16. Night owl or morning?: I can be either but you will like me more if I’ve had at least seven hours of sleep. 

17. Favorite day of the week: Saturday! 

18. Do you have a nick name?: I probably have lots of them that I’m not even aware of. For example, what did you think when you saw this blog post? “Oh, Crazy Pants posted again” or “Ugh better read this so when she tries to pitifully beg for validation I can say, yeah, Needy Bitch, I read that trash.” Other than that my parents used to call me Pancake because I resembled a child featured on a Jefferson Airplane album whose name was given as Pancake. But my body type hasn’t been pancakey in a long time, so that one kinda fell by the wayside. Also my parents are dead so they don’t call me anything much anymore. 

19. Favorite music: The failures of my enemies whirling in a blender. Or, I dunno, New Kids on the Block. Honestly I love all kinds of music. Although I will confess that my Spotify “Most Listened To” list of 2017 was composed entirely of songs from my daughter’s playlist, led by her eternal favorite, Immortals by Fall Out Boy. Damn Big Hero 6. 

20. Tattoos: Three. So one more than my car. Not that it’s a race. But I’m winning. Winning the tattoo race, not an actual race. Because I would lose to my car. Assuming I’d given someone the keys and they were driving her. Because she would lose if I hadn’t. So maybe I’ve just sorted this all out and I’m winning both kinds of races with my car. Not that we are having one at all. 

Have a fun internet survey? Post it in the comments. OUTLOOK GOOD I will go and take it. But if the results don’t put me in Slytherin then it’s not a valid quiz. #qualitycontrol