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In tenth grade, my English teacher asked us to write a short story. By asked, I mean assigned homework. My general memories of high school all have a bit of a fuzz about them – my memory is not super. But I remember thinking this was the easiest homework ever. I sat down and typed out (on an electric typewriter, you whippersnappers) my story in an evening. I gave it.. Read More
It’s funny how much is involved in keeping a little person alive, let alone entertained and happy. I’ve been reading a lot recently about the mental load of women, and at the end of each article I don’t know if I am more happy because I’m not crazy for feeling mentally drained all the time, or more sad because now I have the additional mental load of the awareness of.. Read More
“These are the rules of war: no boogers, and no hard stuff.” “My nipple got wet and now I’m SUPER FREEZING.” “We should use our farts to pop popcorn.” “I have an evil plan for when we get home. Not super evil, like killing someone, but a tiny bit evil. I am going to watch that show you think is gross on Netflix.” *evil giggle and wringing of hands Please.. Read More
Tomorrow we are putting our two elderly cats to sleep. They have crossed the point where life tips away from joy and down into struggle. R has owned these ladies since they were handfuls of fluff, only a couple weeks old. Now 16 years later it is time to say goodnight. We have each discussed their impending departure with L. I dug out the Mr. Rogers book I bought about.. Read More
Me: Ok, you’re going to a big crowded place with lots of people. What are your rules? L: Stay where (babysitters) can see me. Me: And? L: And where I can see them. Me: And are you going to go anywhere with a stranger? L: No! Me: And what do you do if a stranger tries to make you go someplace with them? L: Yell? Me: Yep. Yell and fight.. Read More
L: Mom, I tried whaucamole at school today! Me: Oh neat! Did you like it? L: It tasted like slop and car gas! Me:…. L: Like, mixed together. Me: Got it. You didn’t say that to the cook, did you? L: No, but I’m saying it to you so you know I really tried it. Me: Ah. Well. I’m proud of you for trying it. L: The chips were good!
Apologies to Homestar Runner for the title. But that was sincerely the very first thought that went through my mind as I walked up to the mammogram machine. You see, one of the perks of becoming a 40 year old woman in possession of preventative healthcare is that you get sent to get your first mammogram. My doctor carefully discussed the potential discomfort of the exam with me while stressing.. Read More
I’m a sucker for meaningless internet surveys. I’m also a heavy user of a Magic 8 Ball, so FYI if you want to eat chips right now the OUTLOOK IS NOT SO GOOD. Possibly because I ate them. Or because the universe said so. That’s the beauty of internet quizzes and Magic 8 Balls. But I really do appreciate how every single sorting quiz of any variety puts me in.. Read More
In the spirit of the Victorians, let’s tell a scary ghost story just before Christmas. It’s a better way to be in the Victorian spirit than using arsenic as makeup anyway. When we moved into the current house, L was two years old. From the very first night, she refused to sleep in her room. Even though we’d been sure to set up her crib and make certain that all.. Read More
About eight years ago, I fell down. And this wasn’t one of my typical falls, which happen with such frequency and consistency that I’m fairly certain that one side of my head is permanently floor shaped. “Please, only photograph me from my flat side,” I say to the imaginary paparazzi. This fall was epic, in the sense that I fell with such wild abandon and force that I tore all.. Read More